Depression

My mouth ulcers didn't heal much after weeks of medication. Pain didn't go away. I was demoralised.

I shut myself out from my friends. Pain is my buddy now. Medications are my friends. I told Mama and Sis Joyce that I would not contact my friends. They would eventually forget about me. Months later, I am just a 'long time no see' friend.

The gap between me and them were widening. Not to mention run 1km, I can hardly manage 1km walk now. My mouth is still so dry. Looking at my old photos, it saddened me. I am so weak now.

Everyone said that I am strong and courageous. In fact I am not all. I am useless and a quitter. My body condition changes like weather. I don't know if I would be well the next day. I live by day.

I give thanks for the little things I could do. I could swallow rice. I could eat normal food. I could stepped out of the house. I cried when I swallowed my first spoon of rice just now.

Doctor Syafiq said I could be suffering from depression. I may need to seek counselor's help. I haven't smile or laugh for a long time because it hurts when I open my mouth. My throat hurts when I yawn.

I am tired.