C3D8

Today's chemo was important to me. I didn't want to delay any longer. I was given queue number 1001. Papa waited with me. Everyone was anxious. Mama prayed. We hoped I could proceed with chemo.

The nurse checked my blood pressure. I had low blood pressure and gained 300g to 42.2kg. She asked me to wait outside. Queue number called but it wasn't mine. Patiently waited. My queue number blinked on the screen. As I walked towards Dr Hj Syafiq's room, I said a short prayer. I asked him again, "Can I do it?" He looked at me and said, "It's 18.9. What do you think?" My mind was too blank. He continued, "JacQ, your white blood count was never this high. Yes, you can go ahead with chemo today." Phew!

Dr Hj Syafiq was happy for me. I would see him in a month time. He would send me to ENT Specialist clinic and do a MRI. I asked him to sign on my t-shirt and showed him my bag. I'm glad that I might be able to give back to the cancer community or should I say pay it forward. I'm most pleased to be able to help Dr Hj Syafiq and fellow cancer patients.

The session felt longer today. I was too eager to finish this race. It has been a long race. I feel sorry to my family for giving them this difficult period. I feel sorry to my body that I summoned it to all kind of stress and torments. In my hope to defeat our enemy, evil cancer, I had done what I could to fight it.

✔ 33 sessions of radiotherapy
✔ 9 sessions of chemotherapy
✔ Portacath surgery
✔ 12 Neupogen injections
✔ More than 30 times of blood test
✔ 1 week hospitalization due to severe muscositis

Waking up to prepare to go to NCCS for radiotherapy. Enduring mouth ulcers. Slowly loss of appetite and sense of taste. Nausea and vomiting. Weight loss. Dry mouth. Hair thinning. Burnt skin. Scarred. Puffy face. Poor image. Anxiety. Pain, pain and more pain. I would never do this again.

My job is done. The rest is in God's hands.

Papa & Mama came to NCC right after Sue was home. I was happy to see Mama. I was left with 45 minutes. We couldn't wait for the IV drip to stop. FINALLY, it stopped. I finished! The first thing I wanted to do was to give Mama a tight hug. The nurses were happy for me. Mama cooked tika meesuan for me. It was believed to change luck. 

I have too many to thank in helping me to complete this race. I wouldn't be here if not for the people who believe in me. Thank you God, my dearest family, Dr Hj Syafiq and close friends who stand by me till the end. 

I'm now treatment free and prayerfully I am cancer free too. This is a significant period of my life. My legacy. One thing I want to be remembered, I fought this battle hard. 

"Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called."
1 Timothy 6:12

"I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith"

2 Timothy 4:7