It's not a battle but journey

Today Dr Shafiq would confirm my treatment. Che Joyce was with me at the Centre. We waited for Dr Shafiq to finish his meeting. 

At 10am plus, I was called to see him. He read my reports and told me all cleared. He re-explained my condition. He said my tumour is not big and bulky. I don't need chemotherapy to shrink it. He explained to us that chemotherapy is effective in killing the cancer cells but it would also kill the good cells. He weighed the benefits and side effects. He said he would prefer to give me radiotherapy upfront and followed by chemotherapy to make sure all clear. He didn't mention the stage. However, based on what he said and compare notes from internet, I fit into stage 2 which is better than what I thought. Perhaps he is right, it doesn't matter what stage I'm at but just focus on treatment and recovery. 

He said I will have to undergo 7.5 weeks of treatment on daily basis. Different patient has different reactions to the treatment. However, the radiotherapy will surely burn my skin around my neck and inside my nose. Due to the burning, it may cause pain and lose appetite and thus, losing weight. He is concerned about my weight as I may go down to 36 to 37kgs. I will be stick-thin, dry, burnt skin, poor complexion and hair loss. There will be a lot of physical changes. I know I must brace myself to face it. 

I thought of giving up. I lost the willpower to strive and fight. Nothing to look forward to. But I know it's not about me. I will embrace all the uncertainties and be courageous to embark on this journey because I want to see my family as long as I can live.